Dear Victoria

By Victoria Howard

Dear Victoria, 

My name is Gary and I am a forty-year-old married man with two kids. I married Jenna (my high school sweetheart) twenty years ago, and we produced two wonderful children.

Our marriage is what our friends call a “fairy tale marriage”. Jenna is a great looking woman who is a wonderful mother and wife.
I have been blessed with a thriving business and we have everything a couple could possibly want.

The problem is that lately I have been visiting a gay male stripper club. I find myself physically attracted to one of the dancers. I have never thought of myself as bi-sexual, but the chemistry between this young man and I is unbelievable. I tip him hundreds of dollars, and have now developed a ‘friendship’ with him. I call him daily and want to meet him away from the club.

Lately, when my wife initiates having sex, I cannot become aroused unless I think of Tim (the dancer).

Do I have a problem? Am I bi-sexual? Should I see Tim? Help!

Closet Husband

Dear Closet Husband,

Yes, you do indeed need help. I cannot tell you if you are bi-sexual, or gay. You do have a serious problem that needs immediate attention.

I would not go back to this club and would tell Tim that you will not be contacting him for a while. You owe it to your wife, and to yourself, to find out what the problem is that you are having.

Go to a good therapist who specializes in this field -- now!

It would be terrible to throw away twenty good years of a marriage, for a phase or a senseless fling.

Only a professional can explain your feelings. Don’t waste any time. Good luck.